He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your penis caused this!
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