i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
