i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
