Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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