I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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