I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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