There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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