why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
