babies were throwing up all over the place
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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