dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
