Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
