i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
