I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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