how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
