doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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