i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
