I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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