Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
