Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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