how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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