Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
