I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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