I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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