I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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