In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
