i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
