Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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