so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
