I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
