do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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