Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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