Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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