Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
