nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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