Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So vagazzling was a success
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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