I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
