dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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