I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
