Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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