she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
