I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
