took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
