I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
