I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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