I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
