I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
