mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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