would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize