I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
