What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
