nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize