ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
