What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize