I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
