What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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