u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
