Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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