I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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