spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
