I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize