I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
please don't ironically join a cult
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