I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
