She is in my trunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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