i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize