I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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