I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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