There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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