My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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