bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
