I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize