took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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