He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
