i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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