So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So apparently I’m into choking now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize