so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
