Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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