The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
