So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
