Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize