R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
