I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Who died my cat blue again?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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