ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
